Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Down Day

Today was a test for sure, I woke up so tired. It was snowing so I decided to take the bus, which is totally fine I enjoy the ride to work, the down side is that I was rushed had to take granola bars for breakfast didn't really pack a great lunch and felt hungry at eleven tonight.

I have been so excited about my Mary Kay business, today I got my starter kit and went through it abit. I am not sure if maybe I am a little overwhelmed or bummed cause i have not booked anyone for a facial yet but for some reason I find my self on the sad side today.

It is bizzare how fast ones mood can change, I should be totally excited I lost 2 1/2 pounds at weigh in today and I am pleased with my self for sure and I really hope that this passes. I do have quite a few things going on in my life and not all of them are positive. I was doing so well in not talking about it pushing it under a rug. It seemed easier that way and besides no one knows that I am so excited on the outside and realing on the inside, I have actually spent most of my life perfecting this. I can guarente you if you asked any of my friends from school or people who knew me when I moved back to the okanagan, they would say that Tammy is the most happy person I know.

I guess maybe in order to get better I have to admit these things to myself, which of course is hard. I am sitting here wondering how I have gone my whole life really doing so much for other people and not myself really I am surprised sometimes looking back on my life that I never had a mental break.... Have I gotten so good at hiding things that I am hiding my own feelings from my self who knows but I sure hope I decide to share them with me soon.

Man I feel like I am sixteen again writing in my diary with all my problems and then feeling better afterward only to start the same process over again. I am hoping that I can finnally break this habit and start to communicate my true feelings especially to myself even if I may not like or other people may not like what I am really feeling at the moment.

On a good note I have stayed with my weight loss challenge to my self and not binged on food tonight to drown my sorrows, which really is a step in the right direction, anyway I am feeling better to finally get it out there even if I didn't actually tell someone at least people can read it.

Tomorrow can only get better.......


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