Friday, April 22, 2011

The first step is a big one...

So this is me back after a very long time of being away from this blog, my life, my friends, my self. In recent months it feels like my entire life has come to a crashing reality, that I for all my togetherness am quite the opposite on the inside.

There was a time in my life when everything I did was for other people either, there were lots of reasons of which I can not remeber now but I do know that for the most part they were not for me and though there were people who did things for me they were few and far between. I know that it may seem as though I am just remembering all the bad things and I some could say quit being a drama queen but those would be the very people who would have been asking many things of people and not being able to return the favour.

Don't get me wrong I have had a great life growing up awesome parents, a sister that I love and kids that I adore and would not change one thing in my past for. I moved here about a year ago wanting to give my girls more options when what really seems to have happened since moving here is I have met the girl friends that I wish I have known all my life. They are the most amazing women and I love every single one of them.

I haven't ever really had the opportunity to ever really open my self up to anyone, I have done that on two occasions in the past couple of weeks and I am so thankfull to have the security and trust with the women in my life to be able to do that for really what is the first time in my life.

I know I have a long way to go to get to where I want to be and many things to share with you all but what one thing I am finally sure of is that I will have sincere support from my girlfriends, and that is an amazing feeling.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

My last three months!

Man oh man it it was not one thing it was another in the past week....

It has been almost three months since I decided to take this journey with a group of ladies, some of whom I knew and some not. When I first read the invite for the group I was hesitant but not really sure why now that I look back.

I missed the first meeting but decided to attend the next one and I can't really express how glad Iam that I did. It was a pretty standard meeting to start really everyone showed up we talked abit about our goals and weighed in. We started to chat and well before I knew it the time was almost ten thirty. I went home and was so excited about the opportunities that were running through my head.

I had decided that night that I was going to take back my sanity, my self respect, my health and to ultimately lose weight. I did have some ideas as to how much I would like to lose but was not sure as to how much I would actually lose. Pretty much my entire life I had some sort of weight issue, I was always trying to lose weight and then ultimately when I did it would come back most of the time with some extra friends. Not really untill I had my children did I really start to feel not very happy with myself or the way I looked.

When I moved back home with my two oldest children I had my entire family around and a big circle of friends but for some reason I always felt so alone. I really didn't talk about it with anyone and continued on with my life. Thankfully I hadmy children they really helped me just pick it up and continue on.

After the birth of my third daughter I moved to the lower mainland and was planning on starting a new life. I joined the meet up web page which led me to here. In the last three months I have gained control of my life again. I started with my eating habits I have gone from snacking on crappy foods to having a stocked fridge of veggies and fruits. My daughters have really supported me in this decision as well, we are all eating more healthier and area feeling great.

I have also with the support of the group started to exercise on a regular basis, I am not going to lie it was terribly difficult to start but it is getting easier. On the days that I try to put it off the kids and ladies in the group are right there pushing and encouraging me.

I may have not met my weight loss goals yet but I know that with the support from my new friends that it is no longer something that I want to do but a goal that I am going to reach in the not to distant future. So if you are reading this and want to lose the weight get healthier and take back your life, you can do it. If you don't have a good support system on your side find yourself one and don't let anything stop you.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Down Day

Today was a test for sure, I woke up so tired. It was snowing so I decided to take the bus, which is totally fine I enjoy the ride to work, the down side is that I was rushed had to take granola bars for breakfast didn't really pack a great lunch and felt hungry at eleven tonight.

I have been so excited about my Mary Kay business, today I got my starter kit and went through it abit. I am not sure if maybe I am a little overwhelmed or bummed cause i have not booked anyone for a facial yet but for some reason I find my self on the sad side today.

It is bizzare how fast ones mood can change, I should be totally excited I lost 2 1/2 pounds at weigh in today and I am pleased with my self for sure and I really hope that this passes. I do have quite a few things going on in my life and not all of them are positive. I was doing so well in not talking about it pushing it under a rug. It seemed easier that way and besides no one knows that I am so excited on the outside and realing on the inside, I have actually spent most of my life perfecting this. I can guarente you if you asked any of my friends from school or people who knew me when I moved back to the okanagan, they would say that Tammy is the most happy person I know.

I guess maybe in order to get better I have to admit these things to myself, which of course is hard. I am sitting here wondering how I have gone my whole life really doing so much for other people and not myself really I am surprised sometimes looking back on my life that I never had a mental break.... Have I gotten so good at hiding things that I am hiding my own feelings from my self who knows but I sure hope I decide to share them with me soon.

Man I feel like I am sixteen again writing in my diary with all my problems and then feeling better afterward only to start the same process over again. I am hoping that I can finnally break this habit and start to communicate my true feelings especially to myself even if I may not like or other people may not like what I am really feeling at the moment.

On a good note I have stayed with my weight loss challenge to my self and not binged on food tonight to drown my sorrows, which really is a step in the right direction, anyway I am feeling better to finally get it out there even if I didn't actually tell someone at least people can read it.

Tomorrow can only get better.......